As imperfect as other human beings are

I'm not always good with words. Not always capable of smiling, not always bubbly or cheerful. Not always talking like a busy bee. Not always pretending things are fine. There are times I just want my silent moment and cry as loud as I can, cry because people don't understand, cry because I don't understand, cry because things happen, good and bad.  


Sometimes I just want people to understand how I totally feel inside without having to speak a word
Sometimes I just want people to offer a help or concern without me having to request for it
Sometimes I just want people to know the real meaning behind my smiles and tears
Sometimes I just want people to tell me they know how I'm feeling without me dragging with explanations
Sometimes I just want people to know the reason why am I doing the things I am doing
Sometimes I just want people to be there today and still do tomorrow or the day after tomorrow and many more days after that
Sometimes I just want to wake up and go on with my life as though everything is as perfect as before
Sometimes I just comfort myself with words and hide the tears, not because I'm tough, not because I don't feel a single thing, but because I'm learning to be strong...


People come and go, some leave and you might have the chance to bump into them again and say hello, some you will walk past them like they never existed in your life before, but for some, they leave and will never come back, they're gone...


I'm hanging on, keeping you in heart and our memories, it's hard, it really is and this is the first time I'm so proud of myself, I'm proud for learning to be strong...


Daddy, how are you? I miss you, so much :'(

This is it

At some point of life, people just got tired of anything and everything, I guess this is my point. Sadly but yes. I lost my way.

Bitter and sweetness in life

Hello everyone! Okay, i was actually halfway sleeping and I suddenly got an idea on what to blog about, and here I am, blogging this new post with the above title: Bitter and sweetness in life. Before I start off with my post, let me just include some pictures I cam whored yesterday and today inside my hubby's room, using our babymac, and some picture with hubby in it.

Me looking veryyyyy decent with his spec *thumbs up*

Another picture...without being specky :)

And another of me, trying to act cute but failed :(

Here's the decent ME and the not-so decent HIM :)

And the post begin...

This is a picture of us all in 2009 at Phuket, along with two of my bro's girlfriend at that time.

What happens when a family that used to be perfect in everyone's eyes suddenly is imperfect anymore? Not because of betrayals and lies but the loss of the loved one and there's no one or no way you can blame on because it's a part of nature that God has planned? What happens when the person you used to see every morning, every night, in fact, everyday just suddenly isn't there anymore when you thought they will be? What happens when you were so close to this person since you were a kid and that person is always around during your process of growing up, but you suddenly come to realize that he will not be there to watch you grow up, get your job, get married and get kids and watch you grow old? It's heartbreaking. I remembered my friend lost his father few years back and although I know it is tearing him apart, but I do not understand how the pain feels like. Or so I thought. But now I understand. I understand how it hit me so badly. Simply because that person is my dad, the man who brought me to this world, the man who provides me with necessities and education, the man who loves me unconditionally, the man who tells me what is right and wrong, the man who protects me and give me the best, the man who means everything to me and leave my friends telling me how lucky I am or how they envy my family. And today, 5th of August, is his birthday. Up to this point, I still miss him. I constantly think of how it would be like if he is still around, because trust me, losing someone you loved so much is not easy, it is not, and it might just break your heart into pieces but you have to gain all your courage to live and move on again. No one can really understand how it feels, with all the stress that is building up, to think about having him around, about expenses, about the family, about studies, about career, about how to overcome the depression. 

I have this thought ever since he passed away. Existence of spirits. Is it real? I question myself all the time. Sometimes I talk to him in my heart and I wonder can he listen? Sometimes when we ask him to visit us at home, did he really came home? Frankly, it matters. I just want the family to be like how it used to be again. I know he is not around anymore, but I love the idea of him around us. Because this is how great love can be, not boy-girl relationship, but a love from a daughter to her father, and this is why I may talk about him less, but it doesn't mean I miss him any lesser.

I posted this status on my Facebook for him on 26th June : 

DEAR HUBBY'S HEART,

5 days more to our another monthsary. 

I didn't say that our relationship would be easy, but I promise

it would be worth it. Thanks for being mine.

♥ Wifey's heart.

Not a relationship is with no ups and downs, even our relationship. You may be imperfect in everyone's eyes, but it doesn't matter at all because we are all imperfectly beautiful, but always remember, to me, you're perfect, you're perfectly mine and you give me the best relationship that I can find nowhere. I don't need a guy who looks like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt, I don't need a guy who can gives me all branded bags or cash, I don't need a guy who wants to bring me out just so he can show me off to people, I don't need a guy that forces himself to pretend that he loves me dearly, I don't need a guy that try very hard to understand me, I don't need a guy that change himself to suits me or change me to suits him, I don't need a guy that fake all sweetness we have in a relationship, I don't need a guy that betray me and lie to me but come back and pretend everything is alright, all I need is YOU, and I promise you our ride might be rocky, but it will never end. 

Cross roads

It's been a month since my last blog post and I know, maybe people or you readers don't really remember me anymore. Trust me, it's not that I don't want to update on my Facebook page or my blog, but I been through too much and I just need to take some time to get back on track again. And now I'm back :) Although I haven't fully recovered yet, but I'm holding on and be strong, and never in my life I'm as strong as this. So daddy, you must be proud of your girl :)

I finished my internship, started my college, talked to friends, and most of the time I spent it with hubby. He is very supportive and at times when I cry, he will just hug me and listen to me. About modeling life, I'm not sure if I should just call it quit, but under certain circumstances, I have to continue. Studies wise, it's my last semester for diploma in mass communication,  I have to gain all that I have and graduate and proceed to degree. Well, my results ain't bad, for every sem I get a minimum of 3.5 for my CGPA. This is the least that I can do for my beloved daddy. Thanks to everyone who is supporting me all this while, to everyone who still remembers me and view my blog even though I didn't update, to everyone who care for me, to everyone who take Renee Ang as who she is. 

Daddy

Daddy,


You've left,
Leaving us on this Earth,
But worry not,
We will live, and we will live for you,
I questioned God,
Why did he took you away, 
So soon, so sudden,
But I know this is all fated to be,
Let the tears wash away,
All the pain that caused by your death,
All that live must die,
We are all no exception,
It's just a matter of time,
You left now, and we will all follow, 
When our time has arrived,
God took you with him first,
And keep you beside,
You're in a better place now,
As much as it's hard to believe and let go.

I wrote a book of you and us,
With words, pictures and tears,
Each and every word is memories of us family together,
And one day, I shall read it to my kids,
To show how strong their grandpa was,
And how we all learn from you,
Although you weren't here to witness,
But from above, I know you're smiling at us,
And keeping an eye on us,
Daddy,
Worry not,
Just rest in peace with no worries,
Like how God want you to be,
Although you're gone,
But in our heart, 
You stay,
Now and forever.


Sincerely,
Your daughter

Helpless

Too tired of dropping tears for nights before sleep, I pray for all things to be fine again, sincerely...

I see myself as imperfect

Too many things these days, too much to bear and handle, physically and emotionally, I guess I've been through too much, in this one week time...and I'm feeling so fragile now, so weak, as if I have no energy left, and it's just a body with no soul...


Daddy,
I look at you and I recalled of too many things, I'm so worried on the inside. The other day when you were admitted to the hospital, I wasn't as worried as I am now, but then you was admitted to ICU, and that was when I feel so afraid. Things got worse when you have to undergo an operation, and it's today. Not being able to be there this morning, I cried and I feel so useless, I can't to anything at all but just sit down and pray and tell myself to hang on, because you need all our support. Our family been through too much this year and I'm helpless, but now we are all standing strong. Yet, you're on the bed now. I thought after this operation tat doctor say it has only 5 to 10% percentage of success and you'll be fine. But I was wrong, very wrong. You have few more to go, and one of it, there's no percentage of success at all. I just don't know what to do anymore. We all care for you, mummy care the most, she told me, she comforted you this morning that everything will be fine, but she was worried inside. Please, I beg you, please be alright. We want you to hang on, we want you to be strong. This is all too sudden for us, smiling and laughing on the outside but each time I look at you and I control my tears. I don't want this years Father's Day to be the last that we spent together, I want to still jokes around with you and eat durian with you, I want you in my life, I need you! 24 more hours till you pass this critical situation, and get ready for new one. We all pray for you, so you have to be strong. I know you're not gonna read this, but be strong. Because your daughter, me, is learning from you how to be strong too. 


I'm a strong girl wannabe, I'm never strong, I cry easily, I'm imperfect, and just now, I did something imperfect, something that I normally wouldn't do, but all I want now is to be able to talk and be with you, only you, no one else, yet, I heard the most hurtful words, anyway, sorry to YOU. You know who you are. 

Past is a shadow, present is a gift, future is a blessing

Today I transferred pictures from camera to my lappie and then I view the pictures, of me and the love, one by one...Somehow I came across this very beautiful picture of us and I can't help but keep looking at it and smile :) And then I recalled on what you told me last night just before I went to sleep, and again I smile.  I have to admit that you're in every part of my life, even the tiniest matter. I think I'm just out of words to say about how I feel about us, but it's definitely a good one, no doubt. I realized just how happy I became and how I would end my night perfectly perfect with wide smile spread on my face, every single night :) It's that one chance that we grabbed that turn us into what we are now, to make up on what we had lost before, on the chances that slipped away, on the fate that we never appreciate last time, but for what we are now, I don't regret, because if it wasn't for what we experienced in the past, we won't live the present and future together. I still think about our past, I know when this bothers me, it bothers you too, but the shadow will go away eventually, I see the shadow fades away, little by little, it takes time, but I'm willing to go through it, knowing I'm safe with you, knowing we are each other's, knowing that you love me and I'm your priority, knowing that this is the love between us both, knowing that we are not each other's first but the last. I will fulfill my promises, I'm learning, in every aspects, to make myself a better person, and I'm learning it from you. Thanks for being such an inspiration, because relationship isn't just about love, it's more than that. 

I love your life, just like I love mine ♥

I'm officially married!

HAH! Gotcha! Look at my title, you think it's real don't you? :D That's why you clicked into this post. *evil laughs* Well, I'm not married YET, as in not in black and white, but we are married, someday, I'll be his official Mrs. Lim for sure, with marriage certificate, no doubt.


I'm lack of confidence sometimes, imperfection is what defines us, but somewhat, being a typical Virgo and perfectionist, I seek for perfection, especially when it comes to myself. Sometimes I lay back and wonder, "How can I ended up with a guy who fits me so perfectly, and the presence of him just turn around my life completely?" In a good way for sure. 


Last night he looked at me in the eyes and said...


Hubby: You're my main motivator and it's all for our future together.


I couldn't help but just remain silence. Part of me is sad because he's feeling really stress, managing studies and earning money at the same time. I'm doing the same, and I know it is not easy. It is impossible to just rely on him to work on all this, so I told him, we both will work hard together for our future. And we already plan how to work on it. Ever since we were together, we meet everyday, we spend time together, sometimes with friends, sometimes just both of us. We're a weird couple, but I think special suits us more, I guess nobody will understand our relationship. He's a guy with egos, lots of it, and with no patience, but with me, I don;t know how he do it, he's just too passionate, and nope, forget the so called honeymoon period in a relationship, we are sweet not because of that, we are the way we are, we don't pretend to be sweet, it comes out naturally, it's part of us both for each other. We talked for hours inside the car, we drive around with no direction, but we enjoyed it, because to us, it's not about the places we go, it's about our quality time together. Every time when I walked down his car or when I sent him home, I felt so reluctant to leave, being with him makes me secure, he's protective, and he's not someone people can simply mess with, he can be very very scary if someone got on his nerve. I often recall the look in his eyes, the lips when he smiles, the way he laughs at me, the way he hold my hands so tight, the way he wrap his arms around my waist, the way he kiss me, the way he hugged me from behind when I'm asleep, the way he wiped my tears and sometimes it's tears of joy, the way he says I'm a small kid but yet he's being silly with me, the way he whispers he love me, the way he do everything for me. The other day we asked each other "What if I just die and leave and will you love again?", our silly assumptions, but the answer he gave, I didn't expect it, we both didn't answer "No, I'll never love again" because it's so fake, it's just not a realistic answer, but the answer from him made me cry and hugged him tightly and I can't stop crying and smiling at the same time :) I know how you feel when you got jealous last night, same feeling I feel that day, but you're all that matters, I wanna be perfect, just for u...


No words in the world can describe how much I love and appreciate you. 


15 more days to our next monthsary, hubby ♥ 

Not just another love story

Dear hubby,

                Yesterday night I dreamed a beautiful dream of US, it was so perfect, just like me and u. Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I do is to look into my inbox, to find your name there makes me feel so secure, because I'm afraid I might lose u one day. My inbox is filled with your messages since 26th February 2011 and now it is reaching 4k messages, but yours, u stored mine since the first day we texted using your this particular number, u keep each and every messages. We both do the same thing, we both re-read messages that was sent by each other, we both reminisce our progress of relationship, from stranger to now. Each time I look at u, I know it's real, we are together, we are holding hands, we are the couple people envy of, I never knew this is how much u will mean to me, I never knew that I would be so worry over u and cry, I never knew u were so important to me, I never knew I would be so in love with u, I never knew we would stay up late just to talk to each other even though we are tired, I never knew this is how much we would sacrifice for each other, I never knew our relationship is of so much laughters and tears of happiness, I never knew all this when we first got together...If this is not true love, I don't know what is. You're the first to do so much for me and the first that I'm willing to love without fear. What we had gone through in the past as friend, those conversation we had, those sorrow we shared, those stories we tell each other about our exes, I will always remember. But, I promise u, and I'm keeping this promise, I will never hurt u the way they did it, I will never make u feel regret for loving me so much, I will never let u go...Maybe there are some that will tell me you're not worth it, but that's for those who doesn't understands u. I accepts the whole of u, the good and bad, the perfection and flaws and I thank u for telling me everything, for sharing everything, for including me in your life not partially, but completely. I can proudly announce to the whole world that I have u, bii. Realising true love is not measured by age, but the heart. Love itself is not enough and sometimes, couple love each other a lot, but they just don't last, because they don't understand each other, or maybe they simply weren't meant for each other. No matter how hard they try, it doesn't work and the relationship ends. This is sad and this is the reason why I'm grateful for what we have, we understand without even trying, we accepts without forcing, we love without regretting. I don't need another Cinderella fairytale, I don't even need another Twilight story, because I wanna write a story of YOU & ME, ME & YOU, a story of US, our HAPPY ENDING :) 


P/S: Can't believe i dropped tears while typing this :)

With all that I can give and heart full of love,

                                                                                              Wifey ♥

Life, is not a U-turn

Life is not a U-turn and this is why I blog. I don't do it on a daily basis but I try to blog as often as possible and to remark every single thing, but some are meant to be in the heart.


Today is pretty good, normally I would sleep in the office for an hour or two before 9am because I reach at 7am, but not today, because I drank chicken essence. Anyway, yesterday, 1st of June 2011 is second monthsary for me and hubby, there's no any special celebration but I'm still a happy girl, because he's with me, always and everyday. We sort of had a small argument last night but it's just a super small matter, we settled it calmly and efficiently *ahem* :D Btw, happy 2 monthsary again hubby, I wished you through the phone, through sms, through Facebook, through face to face, and now through my blog. Anything that happened last night, no worries about it, we are learning to be better for each other, couple argue sometimes, that's why being in a relationship is fun, but being in a relationship with you is perfect, because you always make the impossible possibles and you always make me feel very lucky.  People envy us :) Anyway, as usual, my daily routine, work, wake him up, text each other all day and off from work then I'll meet him every night. I love our simple yet lovely life. I posted a picture on Facebook just now and somehow, I came up with this as the caption (I didn't copy it from anywhere, merely my thoughts) which I'm totally in love with and I dedicate this to the love:

I don't want you in my life, I need you in my life
I don't like you, I love you
I don't stay in the past, I live for our future
I don't want us to just be together, I want us to learn from each other
I don't hope for just happy times but miserable ones too as long as we are together 
I don't want us to stay as long as we can, I want us to be forever
We're lovers, but also best friends

Thanks for everything, hubby ♥


True enough, life is never a U-turn, u missed it, u might get a second chance, but that's if you're lucky, if you're not, you just missed it. Cruel but reality. Me, yes me, I'm still learning, in all aspects, and I'm not wanting to be perfect, but just perfect enough for those that matters to me. 

Undeniably, we have hypocrites in life, they smile to you but they backstab you behind, or maybe they spoke to you in a manner that is not-so-polite just because they think they are so damn right. To me, I'll just ignore. I only care about those who matters to me and you can't hurt me in any ways if you're plain nothing, so, keep going on with all your behaviors, I don't even care, but maybe you should sit down and think of better ways to use your 'energy' and contribute or use it wisely? I don't know, it's your life anyway :) But, if your intention is to hurt me, or bring me down, or ruin my relationship with hubby, you can try, really, although I always put a smile on my face, and you might think I'm so easy to bully because I'm petite and sometimes I'm way too silent, try then, you will know you're wrong, wise person fight with words, not actions, and definitely not rude behaviors. And I'm not your ordinary girl-next-door that you can lay your hands on. Renee is not this fragile and weak especially when it comes to protecting herself :) You will need to earn my respect, earn it, not ask for it. But I guess I made a conclusion, some people they will never grow up, that's why they are always at the starting point and never move far. 


That's about it for this post, have a nice day, and stay tuned for my next one :)


P/S: A getaway with my hubby this Saturday, we're spending the night outside, and we will have a great time for sure.

Reminder

For the person who loves me dearly :)

24 hours, 1440 minutes and 86400 seconds, all in a day...

Human, all have equal time but all uses it differently. As a day passed and a new day begin, it reflects us on what we've done yesterday and we plan what are we gonna do in the future. As i grew up, I always remind myself that good things doesn't come in all the time, you don't just wait for it, instead, you gain it. Just like trust, it doesn't build in a day, it takes time to earn it. I remind myself everyday that I'm lucky and grateful for still breathing when others want to but have no chance. Sometimes I complain about my life and how it being a bitch at times, but to think of it again, life is never a straight road and a smooth journey, it's rocky and that's what makes life interesting rather than dull. I remind myself that I should appreciate people more because it is not a MUST for people to treat me nicely. I once take people for granted and think that I deserve the good treatment but I don't realize how grumpy I am sometimes and yet they bear with me. I remind myself that love and relationship doesn't fall from the sky, yes, I believe in fate but if there is fate yet you just let it slip away, it will never gonna work anyway. Just like me and hubby, if you readers read my post, you will know this love doesn't come easy, we let chances slipped before but we managed to catch it back. I remind myself that parents are never here forever because eventually they will leave, it's a nature. As much as I hate to think of this, yet, it is so true. And all we can do is to cherish them for as long as they live. I remind myself that trust is not meant to be misused. Simply because a person trust you completely, it doesn't mean you're given a green light to cheat and betray. I remind myself that I should live everyday to the fullest because I might just fall and die the next and never open my eyes to see the world again and how I would regret when I'm unable to tell the people who matters how important they are to me. I live to love, laugh, and cry and I thank those who loves me for who I am. 

Because of you

I love you for making me a better person
I love you for being here all the times
I love you for accepting me, good and bad
I love you for bearing my tempers and madness
I love you for kissing me passionately
I love you for hugging me so tight so I wont fear
I love you for staring at me deeply
I love you for communicating endlessly
I love you for making me laugh like I'm lived to laugh
I love you for caring me more than you care for yourself
I love you for allowing me to take care of you
I love you for talking about future together with me and how we plan to live 
I love you for holding my hands tightly and never want to let go
I love you for constantly telling me how you feel
I love you for the commitment you give in this relationship
I love you for loving people who are important to me
I love you for advising me from time to time
I love you for pampering me just like how i want it to be
I love you for understanding me so well
I love you for noticing how I feel even without me saying a word
I love you for making yourself completely mine
I love you for carrying me around your room
I love you for just lying down with me and talks about our relationship
I love how you always try to solve issues and not avoid
I love you for treating all your friend so nice and being concern over them
I love you for being silly with me
I love you for laughing when I laugh, and smile when I smile
I love you for being so considerate
I love you for telling me what is right and wrong
I love you for letting me accompany you when you do your work
I love you for loving me when I'm annoying
I love you for letting me be myself when I'm with you
I love you for still loving me even when I'm bare faced and yet still say that I look beautiful
I love you for telling mummy in law about us
I love you for making us involved in each others life 
There's more reason why I love you but what matters the most is...
I love you for making me yours one and only
And to me, you're the one and only too ♥

Sometimes I'm fragile too but I learn to be stronger

Picture at work - yesterday

At work, sorting out databases now and decided to blog for awhile :)


Well well, life, my life? Pretty tiring, travel to and fro on weekdays to work, have to wake up early by 3 hours to drive and to get parking space or I'll end up paying RM25 per day, then have to travel for 2 hours back home. Sigh. Apart from this, work is fun :D People here are extremely nice, and I learn a lot from all of them. Even the CEO from London are nice too. 


Back to my personal feelings. Something happened last night, and it triggers my emotions but everything is back to normal now. I dunno why but I think I'm too emotional sometimes and this is not good. I cried and he's hurt when he see me cries. 

Thanks hubby for being so understanding. It's not your fault at all, but true enough, it's our problem and we solved it together :) Whatever I said to you last night and all this while, I mean it. You're my family and I hope things will never change between us. Truly appreciate you in life.   

Have a nice day ahead readers, off to work again, ciaoz*

Lovely Tuesday with loved ones

I'm happy when you're with me

As I will start my internship tomorrow, so hubby and I decided to shop for my formal wear at Midvalley today and mummy went along with us too :) Hubby's first shopping trip with mummy in law. Hehehe. We arrived there about 1pm and off for lunch then sent mummy to Gardens before we both proceeded to Midvalley and hunt for clothes. Me being a shopaholic grabbed few clothes to try and I loved every each of them but as my priority is to look for formal wear, therefore, I gave up on other not so formal wear :( Hubby being so patience waited for me outside the fitting room while I tried on clothes. After looking around few shops, its hubby's turn to buy clothes now. He's not starting his internship like I do tomorrow but he's just being a shopaholic with me. Only the second shop and we both spend about 1k already *faint* Money gone :( Then we moved to my third shop and I spotted a dress and I tried, hubby said it's nice so he bought it for me, thanks hubby, I'm a happy girl :D Few hours later and we meet up with mummy and drove to Sunway to buy another pair of formal wear and had our dinner then we headed home. Hubby actually drove my car the whole day and I know he's tired but still accompany me, I'm touched, thanks for everything you do and for spending time with me and mummy as well. My mummy loves you, your mummy in law loves you, and I love you the most! First day tomorrow and I'll have to wake up super early, hopefully things will be alright, nights and sweet dreams readers.

Interview

Holla from home! :)

stressful face before interview :(

Hubby :) *knock his head, keeps avoiding when i took his picture*

Me and kitty

Awww  ♥ 

ME!

As promised, will update about my interview result on this post. Went to Bangsar for interview with an international company today, accompanied by hubby who woke up early in the morning to go with me and not knowing the way, we managed to arrive earlier than expected without losing our way. Interview at 2pm and hubby waited for me while playing with his macbook. Long story short, I got the placement for my internship! :D They offer RM800 per month but parking is another issue. Season pass is not available yet because the company just shifted there, and according to my senior manager, if I were to park at the basement as visitor, the fees is RM25 per day, unless I park outside the building which means I have to arrive at 8am for a spot. OHMYGOD. Jams + parking issue frustrates me. Basically, this company is a company that manage speakers and impressively, we have clients like Dr. Mahathir, David Beckham and Tony Fernandez and more to list out. As this company is not any regular company that interns will go to, therefore, there is a lot to learn from here and I'm so looking forward. Work starts on Wednesday, a 9am-6pm job which is not a problem at all. After interview, we went back to Sunway and chilled and I camwhored using OUR macbook. Yes, mine is his, his is mine. Anyway, just wanna thanks my hubby who accompanied me today and he actually did something that is sooooo adorable that I decide not to mention here. Hehehe. Till the next post...

A new path in life

Hello readers, jolly jolly Sunday :)


Had a great Saturday night with hubby and friends, and today Sunday, me and hubby plan to watch PRIEST later at no-idea-where-yet because he's busy looking at the map to send me for interview tomorrow at Bangsar. Speaking of interview, I will be going to interview as it is a part of my internship for Semestar 5. Not sure if I can go through it but most probably yes and I hope it is a yes. The company is an international company and they are generous enough to offer RM800 per month for an intern, which normally companies don't offer any salary and even if they do, it is about RM200 or RM400 max :) So I hope I get my placement there. Till then, will update bout my interview result on my next post, bye readers!

Mummy, the greatest woman in life

Me with my superwoman ♥

Since young, she has always been there to look after me, to pamper me and love me. Although we never show affection towards each other by saying "I LOVE YOUs" or even pecks on the cheeks, and in fact, we often argue, sometimes the argument prolongs and we wouldn't talk to each other for a month or so, but I know deep inside, she loves me, and I loves her too. I'm feeling very emotional typing this post, with tears in my eyes, but I truly wanna express how I feel.

This woman, she is 50 years old now, she gave up her work because she wants to look after me. This was when I was in primary school. Since then, she stays at home with no complains at all. I may be loud to her sometimes, she shouted at me too and we both said things that we don't mean it, but we adore each other. During worse time, we might not speak to each other for a month, we might just show our bitchy face, we would argue and then I cried silently. During good times, we jokes around and make fun of each other, we go out and we hold hands together just like sisters. What she has sacrificed is beyond words can explain.

She is my best friend, we were never physically close, but I tell her every single thing in my life. She taught me how to behave like a girl, she explains what is good and bad, she supports me in almost everything that I do, and most importantly, she showed me that although she is only a housewife and an ordinary woman, she is strong, no matter what happen in life, she faces everything and never shed a single tears in front of me and my brothers before. I admire her. I often question myself : How is it possible to stand so strong when everything else around fails? How this woman that i address as MUMMY manage to do that? How is it even possible when she is at her worst moment and she comforts me when she is the one having the worst feelings?

Mummy, I just wanna let you know that your daughter loves you. Yes, she might breaks your heart many times with mean words, but you're a huge part in her life. I can't afford to lose you, never. No matter what, I'm here for you, I'm here to listen and advise, I'm here to support you and I appreciate everything that you do for me. 

More like a Saturday boredom

Its 11.16p.m and I'm at home blogging, feeling emotionally unstable due to the visit of period :( I always hate this time of month because it gives me mood swing. What's on my mind now is my hubby, it has always been him, I miss him badly and he's out with his bunch, he did ask me to join but I just want him to enjoy his friends company. Such an understanding wifey right? *proud face* :) Nah, just joking. He deserves a night out as a reward for his full concentration in class today, and yes, he concentrates hard enough partly because the lecturer is HOT *drools* I wonder how she looks like because hubby seldom praise someone. Having migraine and mood swing at the same time is a BIG no-no. I HATE THIS! 

I have a good news to share *drumrolls*

I gained weight, I think, because 30 plus days with hubby and he gained 6kg, but due to sports and workouts, his weight reduces, but I think mine remains. Hubby's evil plan is to make me as fat as possible and he impressed me much because after 19 years of living with parents and no one, I repeat, no one can make me gain weight before, except for a kg or two and I really tries very hard to gain some weight but hubby in 30 plus days? Hmm, I wonder how he did that :) Impressive right? However, hubby is perfect to me, appearance wise and personality wise, he is just COMPLETELY PERFECT.

College life is dull, the last day of final on Friday brings Sem 4 to the end and I'm having a short break for 10 days only, then it's time for internship :( Feeling very stressful and restless. All I wanna do now is to have a trip, anywhere but a trip with the one I love, here, all things that I'm facing is too much. I NEED A BREAK! I've been complaining about my college life a lot because it is really frustrating. Endless assignments, then finals , then internship, then Sem 6, then graduation, and the degree. Ohmeegee -.- I don't even have time to work as freelance anymore, no time at all. And when I do, I feel tired, then when I'm super busy and occupied, I have tons of jobs offer. There goes all my income. Doomed.

Basically I have no idea what am I crapping above, I have nothing to do. I'm bored. Stupid migraine. Now I wish hubby pass his books to me so I can at least do some summarization of main points for him, since he sucks at it and I'm a pro :) I can easily summarize 15 pages of information into 3 pages. Hehehe. Told ya all I'm a pro! *clap clap* Enough of crapping already, most of u probably didn't even end up reading till here, I bet almost all stops halfway or at the first few sentence or even the first paragraph. Forgive me, I know I've been posting about my hubby a lot, bear with me, but I'm just too happy to have him and I'm sure u guys are happy for me too, so, I will post MORE *evil laugh* :) I love all my readers but I love my hubby the most-est! That's all for now. XOXO  ♥

Leaving April behind and welcoming May

I blinked my eyes and April month is coming to the end already, one day more and I'm stepping into month of May :) April has been a great month for me, despite all dramas and miserable things that happened, it has been great after all. Too many things happened in this month but I'm feeling happy throughout this entire month, minus a few nights where I actually tear, not because of relationship, but some other issues and now, I'm getting used to it already. I learned that sometimes, some things they are not controllable. Let it flow itself and it might be better for everyone. Also, it's great to know that there's someone who actually loves me so deeply, is always here through ups and downs and accepts me completely for who I am.

I'm missing April because:

1st April is when me and hubby clicks together :)

I'm looking forward to May because:

Its my first month anniversary with hubby which falls on the 1st May, can't wait to wish him *giggles*

My internship begins.

A month closer to my birthday and I'm expecting pressie? Not really, just crapping :)

Awaiting to see what's for me on May, good or bad, bring it on.

Notice how the first reason for both months is with hubby in it? Yes, this is how much he mean to me. 

Till then, the next post will be....SOON!

*counting down, 1 day more*

No doubts ♥

Living in a world with a huge number of population...

I've met you and decided to make friends with you

Bit by bit, I let you in my life

I want to know more about you, the good and the bad sides

At the same time, I let you in mine

From a complete stranger to the first HI, then the first SMS and calls came later on

I used my time to understands you more 

And likewise you do the same too

We've used years to know each other

But we were never together

Yet the connection was so strong and the feeling is rather unique

Still, we play it cool, we maintain as friends

We care but we are not an item

We miss but I always keep it inside

We love yet we don't say it

At times where I'm afraid of u telling me it's only a friendship bond

And often enough I would cry when you talks about this and that girl

But pretended I was happy for you, yet silently I wish it's me that you love

Over the times, we confessed

But again, we were not an item

The feelings are impossible to deny

We would SMS day and night and sometimes call

And I feel you, is who I really wants to be with

We both waited and missed chances

Till the 1st of April 2011

We made it

We starts our journey as different status in each others lives

And then I fear of how things would change

Surprisingly, it didn't, and in fact, it got better each day

Hubby,

I gave you my heart and I know you will take good care of it

I let you hold my hands and I'm sure you will keep holding

I let you see my silly and ugly sides and I know you will love me more for that

I tells you every single thing because I want you to know me more than I do

I'm being completely honest to you because there's nothing I can withhold from telling you

I know how you feel for me, I feel it

And thanks for doing every single thing I listed above to me too

I LOVE YOUs will not express my feelings, it's for you to feel

Everyday with you is amazing

And I believe this story of us will keep going on

*counting down to 1st May 2011*

Pretending

If pretending is easy, tears wouldn't fall
If pretending is easy, struggle wouldn't exist
If pretending is easy, there's no stab right through the heart
If pretending is easy, the heart wouldn't ache so much
If pretending is easy, heart wouldn't cry when the face is smiling

Pretending, is never easy. But life goes on. How hard it drags me down, I'll have to stand up strong again and prove to myself that this hard time will be over soon. Nightmare is just a temporary thing. I'm glad ♥ hubby ♥ is here for me through the hard time. He is my sweetest reality during my worst nightmare.

Dealing with you is a waste of time :)

I don't deal with brainless people that have no life other than bitching about people, especially those that know NOTHING.

I don't entertain you by responding to your hate-post because that makes me no difference from you.

I don't make you all jolly by being sad over your childish post.

I don't have the time like you to create drama because I make full use of my time.

I don't bitch about u back because I don't know you and I think you're plain childish.

I don't understand your qualification on bitching me when you don't know about me, most importantly, you never spoke to me before, worse, you never even seen me face-to-face AT ALL.

I don't know how to pretend, therefore I'm not pretending to like you or even hate you because I DON'T KNOW you from top to toe. 

I don't mess with you, but if you wanna mess with me, go ahead :)

You have no life and I feel sorry for u, BUT I have my life and I'm happy with it. Being silence doesn't mean I'm afraid to confront you or satisfying you with your random hatred that comes out from nowhere but it's just that I don't see a point dealing with such drama queen wannabe and attention seeker people. Consider getting a life for yourself rather than shouting for attention all around, because that makes you look rather dumb and desperate *peace*

Perfection

If anybody ask me what is perfection, I'll say: Look at my hubby and me :) 

We made the impossibles possible
We understands each other perfectly
We love each other just the way we needed to be loved
We influences each others life, in a good way of course
We are clear of what we need and what we can give to each other
We are FULLY compatible, from interest to the way we thinks to the way we look at things, to the way we speaks, you name it, we have it
We know what is best for this relationship
We adore each other yet we gives sufficient freedom
We care but we do not have pressure at all
We behaves in a silly manner that no one sees except me and him
We reflect our inner self naturally and comfortably when we are around each other
We smiled and laughed even without saying a word
We are being completely honest and faithful
He's mine, and I'm his ♥


How to not love someone that is so compatible with you, loves u, adores u, do everything and anything for u YET u don't feel any pressure or depressing moments at all? How to not fall for someone who treats u as his princess and fulfills every tiny details that u look for in your dream guy? How to not be with someone who understands you from A-Z and make u the happiest girl alive? It's impossible, and I'm sure, this guy, is my Mr. Right :) Too early to say? We have faith.

True love is like me and u

This guy with the silly face is:

- My best friend
- My companion
- My boyfriend
- My hubby
- My PAST
- My PRESENT, and
- My FUTURE

A complete stranger who then turns out to be my friend, whom I never thought that I will blog about in my life, and now here I am, blogging about him, my special someone. Outsiders might think the happiness that we both have now is gained easily, but it is not. We been through more than what people thinks or sees. We almost broke off our friendship because of my jealousy. We did not just fall in love at this minute and got together the next. Our story is more than all these. I've been in many relationships before, but none of them gives such feelings that he gave.

He gives me security and leave me with no doubts and worries over him.
He never fail to put a smile on my face :)
He sacrifices and gives more than he should.
He made promises and he prove to me those are not empty ones.
He assure me that I'm the only one he wants for now and for upcoming years.
He is not afraid of showing me to those who are close to him, yet, he showed fully affections which was out of my expectation.
He made me feel that I don't have to be pretentious when I'm with him because he truly accepts and loves me for who I am.
He listens to me, to every complains and nags, to every silly and lame jokes I tell.
He never just walk away when we have problems, instead, he solve it there and then with me and he tried his very best to work things out.
He never once leave me feeling lonely or miserable because he's always there for me.
He tells everything and even there is white lies, he will tell the truth in less than an hour.
He understands me completely and prove that he's a guy of his words.
He said he isnt the most romantic person but he have no idea just how much he melted me.
He often teases me, yet, he hold my hands tightly.
And when he couldnt reach me, he called and sent loads of smses, and i remember him telling me how he's afraid it annoys me but he doesnt know this makes me fall deeper for him.
He is fully committed to me and our relationship.

Too many to list out here and some things are meant to be inside the heart.
People might wonder why HIM and why ME? :) And then people might think this relationship isnt going anywhere, but we will prove them wrong. Actions speak louder than words. People can create all sort of lies and stories to ruin our relationship too, it's okay, we know clearly what we stands in each other's heart, we know every tiny bits of this relationship, we are both aiming for the same thing and we are working hard for it. 


Being with him is the best thing of all, this is my perfect relationship, no one is perfect, but to me, he already is :) I'm glad and grateful for having him in my life, for making me feel what love really is all about, for making me feels like a princess living in a fairytale minus the evil part, for making me the happiest girl and smile everyday i woke up and before i off to bed at night.


We are learning to be better for each other, we are growing stronger, we are falling in love deeper, we accepts the goods and flaws, the past and present, and we will definitely love each other more and more each day. This is amazing and blissful.

Thanks hubby for everything. I love u and only u, with all my heart ♥