I see myself as imperfect

Too many things these days, too much to bear and handle, physically and emotionally, I guess I've been through too much, in this one week time...and I'm feeling so fragile now, so weak, as if I have no energy left, and it's just a body with no soul...


Daddy,
I look at you and I recalled of too many things, I'm so worried on the inside. The other day when you were admitted to the hospital, I wasn't as worried as I am now, but then you was admitted to ICU, and that was when I feel so afraid. Things got worse when you have to undergo an operation, and it's today. Not being able to be there this morning, I cried and I feel so useless, I can't to anything at all but just sit down and pray and tell myself to hang on, because you need all our support. Our family been through too much this year and I'm helpless, but now we are all standing strong. Yet, you're on the bed now. I thought after this operation tat doctor say it has only 5 to 10% percentage of success and you'll be fine. But I was wrong, very wrong. You have few more to go, and one of it, there's no percentage of success at all. I just don't know what to do anymore. We all care for you, mummy care the most, she told me, she comforted you this morning that everything will be fine, but she was worried inside. Please, I beg you, please be alright. We want you to hang on, we want you to be strong. This is all too sudden for us, smiling and laughing on the outside but each time I look at you and I control my tears. I don't want this years Father's Day to be the last that we spent together, I want to still jokes around with you and eat durian with you, I want you in my life, I need you! 24 more hours till you pass this critical situation, and get ready for new one. We all pray for you, so you have to be strong. I know you're not gonna read this, but be strong. Because your daughter, me, is learning from you how to be strong too. 


I'm a strong girl wannabe, I'm never strong, I cry easily, I'm imperfect, and just now, I did something imperfect, something that I normally wouldn't do, but all I want now is to be able to talk and be with you, only you, no one else, yet, I heard the most hurtful words, anyway, sorry to YOU. You know who you are.