Friday, June 24, 2011
Helpless
Too tired of dropping tears for nights before sleep, I pray for all things to be fine again, sincerely...
I see myself as imperfect
Too many things these days, too much to bear and handle, physically and emotionally, I guess I've been through too much, in this one week time...and I'm feeling so fragile now, so weak, as if I have no energy left, and it's just a body with no soul...
Daddy,
I look at you and I recalled of too many things, I'm so worried on the inside. The other day when you were admitted to the hospital, I wasn't as worried as I am now, but then you was admitted to ICU, and that was when I feel so afraid. Things got worse when you have to undergo an operation, and it's today. Not being able to be there this morning, I cried and I feel so useless, I can't to anything at all but just sit down and pray and tell myself to hang on, because you need all our support. Our family been through too much this year and I'm helpless, but now we are all standing strong. Yet, you're on the bed now. I thought after this operation tat doctor say it has only 5 to 10% percentage of success and you'll be fine. But I was wrong, very wrong. You have few more to go, and one of it, there's no percentage of success at all. I just don't know what to do anymore. We all care for you, mummy care the most, she told me, she comforted you this morning that everything will be fine, but she was worried inside. Please, I beg you, please be alright. We want you to hang on, we want you to be strong. This is all too sudden for us, smiling and laughing on the outside but each time I look at you and I control my tears. I don't want this years Father's Day to be the last that we spent together, I want to still jokes around with you and eat durian with you, I want you in my life, I need you! 24 more hours till you pass this critical situation, and get ready for new one. We all pray for you, so you have to be strong. I know you're not gonna read this, but be strong. Because your daughter, me, is learning from you how to be strong too.
I'm a strong girl wannabe, I'm never strong, I cry easily, I'm imperfect, and just now, I did something imperfect, something that I normally wouldn't do, but all I want now is to be able to talk and be with you, only you, no one else, yet, I heard the most hurtful words, anyway, sorry to YOU. You know who you are.
Daddy,
I look at you and I recalled of too many things, I'm so worried on the inside. The other day when you were admitted to the hospital, I wasn't as worried as I am now, but then you was admitted to ICU, and that was when I feel so afraid. Things got worse when you have to undergo an operation, and it's today. Not being able to be there this morning, I cried and I feel so useless, I can't to anything at all but just sit down and pray and tell myself to hang on, because you need all our support. Our family been through too much this year and I'm helpless, but now we are all standing strong. Yet, you're on the bed now. I thought after this operation tat doctor say it has only 5 to 10% percentage of success and you'll be fine. But I was wrong, very wrong. You have few more to go, and one of it, there's no percentage of success at all. I just don't know what to do anymore. We all care for you, mummy care the most, she told me, she comforted you this morning that everything will be fine, but she was worried inside. Please, I beg you, please be alright. We want you to hang on, we want you to be strong. This is all too sudden for us, smiling and laughing on the outside but each time I look at you and I control my tears. I don't want this years Father's Day to be the last that we spent together, I want to still jokes around with you and eat durian with you, I want you in my life, I need you! 24 more hours till you pass this critical situation, and get ready for new one. We all pray for you, so you have to be strong. I know you're not gonna read this, but be strong. Because your daughter, me, is learning from you how to be strong too.
I'm a strong girl wannabe, I'm never strong, I cry easily, I'm imperfect, and just now, I did something imperfect, something that I normally wouldn't do, but all I want now is to be able to talk and be with you, only you, no one else, yet, I heard the most hurtful words, anyway, sorry to YOU. You know who you are.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Past is a shadow, present is a gift, future is a blessing
Today I transferred pictures from camera to my lappie and then I view the pictures, of me and the love, one by one...Somehow I came across this very beautiful picture of us and I can't help but keep looking at it and smile :) And then I recalled on what you told me last night just before I went to sleep, and again I smile. I have to admit that you're in every part of my life, even the tiniest matter. I think I'm just out of words to say about how I feel about us, but it's definitely a good one, no doubt. I realized just how happy I became and how I would end my night perfectly perfect with wide smile spread on my face, every single night :) It's that one chance that we grabbed that turn us into what we are now, to make up on what we had lost before, on the chances that slipped away, on the fate that we never appreciate last time, but for what we are now, I don't regret, because if it wasn't for what we experienced in the past, we won't live the present and future together. I still think about our past, I know when this bothers me, it bothers you too, but the shadow will go away eventually, I see the shadow fades away, little by little, it takes time, but I'm willing to go through it, knowing I'm safe with you, knowing we are each other's, knowing that you love me and I'm your priority, knowing that this is the love between us both, knowing that we are not each other's first but the last. I will fulfill my promises, I'm learning, in every aspects, to make myself a better person, and I'm learning it from you. Thanks for being such an inspiration, because relationship isn't just about love, it's more than that.
I love your life, just like I love mine ♥
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I'm officially married!
HAH! Gotcha! Look at my title, you think it's real don't you? :D That's why you clicked into this post. *evil laughs* Well, I'm not married YET, as in not in black and white, but we are married, someday, I'll be his official Mrs. Lim for sure, with marriage certificate, no doubt.
I'm lack of confidence sometimes, imperfection is what defines us, but somewhat, being a typical Virgo and perfectionist, I seek for perfection, especially when it comes to myself. Sometimes I lay back and wonder, "How can I ended up with a guy who fits me so perfectly, and the presence of him just turn around my life completely?" In a good way for sure.
Last night he looked at me in the eyes and said...
Hubby: You're my main motivator and it's all for our future together.
I couldn't help but just remain silence. Part of me is sad because he's feeling really stress, managing studies and earning money at the same time. I'm doing the same, and I know it is not easy. It is impossible to just rely on him to work on all this, so I told him, we both will work hard together for our future. And we already plan how to work on it. Ever since we were together, we meet everyday, we spend time together, sometimes with friends, sometimes just both of us. We're a weird couple, but I think special suits us more, I guess nobody will understand our relationship. He's a guy with egos, lots of it, and with no patience, but with me, I don;t know how he do it, he's just too passionate, and nope, forget the so called honeymoon period in a relationship, we are sweet not because of that, we are the way we are, we don't pretend to be sweet, it comes out naturally, it's part of us both for each other. We talked for hours inside the car, we drive around with no direction, but we enjoyed it, because to us, it's not about the places we go, it's about our quality time together. Every time when I walked down his car or when I sent him home, I felt so reluctant to leave, being with him makes me secure, he's protective, and he's not someone people can simply mess with, he can be very very scary if someone got on his nerve. I often recall the look in his eyes, the lips when he smiles, the way he laughs at me, the way he hold my hands so tight, the way he wrap his arms around my waist, the way he kiss me, the way he hugged me from behind when I'm asleep, the way he wiped my tears and sometimes it's tears of joy, the way he says I'm a small kid but yet he's being silly with me, the way he whispers he love me, the way he do everything for me. The other day we asked each other "What if I just die and leave and will you love again?", our silly assumptions, but the answer he gave, I didn't expect it, we both didn't answer "No, I'll never love again" because it's so fake, it's just not a realistic answer, but the answer from him made me cry and hugged him tightly and I can't stop crying and smiling at the same time :) I know how you feel when you got jealous last night, same feeling I feel that day, but you're all that matters, I wanna be perfect, just for u...
No words in the world can describe how much I love and appreciate you.
15 more days to our next monthsary, hubby ♥
I'm lack of confidence sometimes, imperfection is what defines us, but somewhat, being a typical Virgo and perfectionist, I seek for perfection, especially when it comes to myself. Sometimes I lay back and wonder, "How can I ended up with a guy who fits me so perfectly, and the presence of him just turn around my life completely?" In a good way for sure.
Last night he looked at me in the eyes and said...
Hubby: You're my main motivator and it's all for our future together.
I couldn't help but just remain silence. Part of me is sad because he's feeling really stress, managing studies and earning money at the same time. I'm doing the same, and I know it is not easy. It is impossible to just rely on him to work on all this, so I told him, we both will work hard together for our future. And we already plan how to work on it. Ever since we were together, we meet everyday, we spend time together, sometimes with friends, sometimes just both of us. We're a weird couple, but I think special suits us more, I guess nobody will understand our relationship. He's a guy with egos, lots of it, and with no patience, but with me, I don;t know how he do it, he's just too passionate, and nope, forget the so called honeymoon period in a relationship, we are sweet not because of that, we are the way we are, we don't pretend to be sweet, it comes out naturally, it's part of us both for each other. We talked for hours inside the car, we drive around with no direction, but we enjoyed it, because to us, it's not about the places we go, it's about our quality time together. Every time when I walked down his car or when I sent him home, I felt so reluctant to leave, being with him makes me secure, he's protective, and he's not someone people can simply mess with, he can be very very scary if someone got on his nerve. I often recall the look in his eyes, the lips when he smiles, the way he laughs at me, the way he hold my hands so tight, the way he wrap his arms around my waist, the way he kiss me, the way he hugged me from behind when I'm asleep, the way he wiped my tears and sometimes it's tears of joy, the way he says I'm a small kid but yet he's being silly with me, the way he whispers he love me, the way he do everything for me. The other day we asked each other "What if I just die and leave and will you love again?", our silly assumptions, but the answer he gave, I didn't expect it, we both didn't answer "No, I'll never love again" because it's so fake, it's just not a realistic answer, but the answer from him made me cry and hugged him tightly and I can't stop crying and smiling at the same time :) I know how you feel when you got jealous last night, same feeling I feel that day, but you're all that matters, I wanna be perfect, just for u...
No words in the world can describe how much I love and appreciate you.
15 more days to our next monthsary, hubby ♥
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Not just another love story
Dear hubby,
Yesterday night I dreamed a beautiful dream of US, it was so perfect, just like me and u. Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I do is to look into my inbox, to find your name there makes me feel so secure, because I'm afraid I might lose u one day. My inbox is filled with your messages since 26th February 2011 and now it is reaching 4k messages, but yours, u stored mine since the first day we texted using your this particular number, u keep each and every messages. We both do the same thing, we both re-read messages that was sent by each other, we both reminisce our progress of relationship, from stranger to now. Each time I look at u, I know it's real, we are together, we are holding hands, we are the couple people envy of, I never knew this is how much u will mean to me, I never knew that I would be so worry over u and cry, I never knew u were so important to me, I never knew I would be so in love with u, I never knew we would stay up late just to talk to each other even though we are tired, I never knew this is how much we would sacrifice for each other, I never knew our relationship is of so much laughters and tears of happiness, I never knew all this when we first got together...If this is not true love, I don't know what is. You're the first to do so much for me and the first that I'm willing to love without fear. What we had gone through in the past as friend, those conversation we had, those sorrow we shared, those stories we tell each other about our exes, I will always remember. But, I promise u, and I'm keeping this promise, I will never hurt u the way they did it, I will never make u feel regret for loving me so much, I will never let u go...Maybe there are some that will tell me you're not worth it, but that's for those who doesn't understands u. I accepts the whole of u, the good and bad, the perfection and flaws and I thank u for telling me everything, for sharing everything, for including me in your life not partially, but completely. I can proudly announce to the whole world that I have u, bii. Realising true love is not measured by age, but the heart. Love itself is not enough and sometimes, couple love each other a lot, but they just don't last, because they don't understand each other, or maybe they simply weren't meant for each other. No matter how hard they try, it doesn't work and the relationship ends. This is sad and this is the reason why I'm grateful for what we have, we understand without even trying, we accepts without forcing, we love without regretting. I don't need another Cinderella fairytale, I don't even need another Twilight story, because I wanna write a story of YOU & ME, ME & YOU, a story of US, our HAPPY ENDING :)
P/S: Can't believe i dropped tears while typing this :)
Yesterday night I dreamed a beautiful dream of US, it was so perfect, just like me and u. Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I do is to look into my inbox, to find your name there makes me feel so secure, because I'm afraid I might lose u one day. My inbox is filled with your messages since 26th February 2011 and now it is reaching 4k messages, but yours, u stored mine since the first day we texted using your this particular number, u keep each and every messages. We both do the same thing, we both re-read messages that was sent by each other, we both reminisce our progress of relationship, from stranger to now. Each time I look at u, I know it's real, we are together, we are holding hands, we are the couple people envy of, I never knew this is how much u will mean to me, I never knew that I would be so worry over u and cry, I never knew u were so important to me, I never knew I would be so in love with u, I never knew we would stay up late just to talk to each other even though we are tired, I never knew this is how much we would sacrifice for each other, I never knew our relationship is of so much laughters and tears of happiness, I never knew all this when we first got together...If this is not true love, I don't know what is. You're the first to do so much for me and the first that I'm willing to love without fear. What we had gone through in the past as friend, those conversation we had, those sorrow we shared, those stories we tell each other about our exes, I will always remember. But, I promise u, and I'm keeping this promise, I will never hurt u the way they did it, I will never make u feel regret for loving me so much, I will never let u go...Maybe there are some that will tell me you're not worth it, but that's for those who doesn't understands u. I accepts the whole of u, the good and bad, the perfection and flaws and I thank u for telling me everything, for sharing everything, for including me in your life not partially, but completely. I can proudly announce to the whole world that I have u, bii. Realising true love is not measured by age, but the heart. Love itself is not enough and sometimes, couple love each other a lot, but they just don't last, because they don't understand each other, or maybe they simply weren't meant for each other. No matter how hard they try, it doesn't work and the relationship ends. This is sad and this is the reason why I'm grateful for what we have, we understand without even trying, we accepts without forcing, we love without regretting. I don't need another Cinderella fairytale, I don't even need another Twilight story, because I wanna write a story of YOU & ME, ME & YOU, a story of US, our HAPPY ENDING :)
P/S: Can't believe i dropped tears while typing this :)
With all that I can give and heart full of love,
Wifey ♥
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Life, is not a U-turn
Life is not a U-turn and this is why I blog. I don't do it on a daily basis but I try to blog as often as possible and to remark every single thing, but some are meant to be in the heart.
Today is pretty good, normally I would sleep in the office for an hour or two before 9am because I reach at 7am, but not today, because I drank chicken essence. Anyway, yesterday, 1st of June 2011 is second monthsary for me and hubby, there's no any special celebration but I'm still a happy girl, because he's with me, always and everyday. We sort of had a small argument last night but it's just a super small matter, we settled it calmly and efficiently *ahem* :D Btw, happy 2 monthsary again hubby, I wished you through the phone, through sms, through Facebook, through face to face, and now through my blog. Anything that happened last night, no worries about it, we are learning to be better for each other, couple argue sometimes, that's why being in a relationship is fun, but being in a relationship with you is perfect, because you always make the impossible possibles and you always make me feel very lucky. People envy us :) Anyway, as usual, my daily routine, work, wake him up, text each other all day and off from work then I'll meet him every night. I love our simple yet lovely life. I posted a picture on Facebook just now and somehow, I came up with this as the caption (I didn't copy it from anywhere, merely my thoughts) which I'm totally in love with and I dedicate this to the love:
I don't want you in my life, I need you in my life
I don't like you, I love you
I don't stay in the past, I live for our future
I don't want us to just be together, I want us to learn from each other
I don't hope for just happy times but miserable ones too as long as we are together
I don't want us to stay as long as we can, I want us to be forever
We're lovers, but also best friends
Thanks for everything, hubby ♥
True enough, life is never a U-turn, u missed it, u might get a second chance, but that's if you're lucky, if you're not, you just missed it. Cruel but reality. Me, yes me, I'm still learning, in all aspects, and I'm not wanting to be perfect, but just perfect enough for those that matters to me.
Undeniably, we have hypocrites in life, they smile to you but they backstab you behind, or maybe they spoke to you in a manner that is not-so-polite just because they think they are so damn right. To me, I'll just ignore. I only care about those who matters to me and you can't hurt me in any ways if you're plain nothing, so, keep going on with all your behaviors, I don't even care, but maybe you should sit down and think of better ways to use your 'energy' and contribute or use it wisely? I don't know, it's your life anyway :) But, if your intention is to hurt me, or bring me down, or ruin my relationship with hubby, you can try, really, although I always put a smile on my face, and you might think I'm so easy to bully because I'm petite and sometimes I'm way too silent, try then, you will know you're wrong, wise person fight with words, not actions, and definitely not rude behaviors. And I'm not your ordinary girl-next-door that you can lay your hands on. Renee is not this fragile and weak especially when it comes to protecting herself :) You will need to earn my respect, earn it, not ask for it. But I guess I made a conclusion, some people they will never grow up, that's why they are always at the starting point and never move far.
That's about it for this post, have a nice day, and stay tuned for my next one :)
P/S: A getaway with my hubby this Saturday, we're spending the night outside, and we will have a great time for sure.
Today is pretty good, normally I would sleep in the office for an hour or two before 9am because I reach at 7am, but not today, because I drank chicken essence. Anyway, yesterday, 1st of June 2011 is second monthsary for me and hubby, there's no any special celebration but I'm still a happy girl, because he's with me, always and everyday. We sort of had a small argument last night but it's just a super small matter, we settled it calmly and efficiently *ahem* :D Btw, happy 2 monthsary again hubby, I wished you through the phone, through sms, through Facebook, through face to face, and now through my blog. Anything that happened last night, no worries about it, we are learning to be better for each other, couple argue sometimes, that's why being in a relationship is fun, but being in a relationship with you is perfect, because you always make the impossible possibles and you always make me feel very lucky. People envy us :) Anyway, as usual, my daily routine, work, wake him up, text each other all day and off from work then I'll meet him every night. I love our simple yet lovely life. I posted a picture on Facebook just now and somehow, I came up with this as the caption (I didn't copy it from anywhere, merely my thoughts) which I'm totally in love with and I dedicate this to the love:
I don't want you in my life, I need you in my life
I don't like you, I love you
I don't stay in the past, I live for our future
I don't want us to just be together, I want us to learn from each other
I don't hope for just happy times but miserable ones too as long as we are together
I don't want us to stay as long as we can, I want us to be forever
We're lovers, but also best friends
Thanks for everything, hubby ♥
True enough, life is never a U-turn, u missed it, u might get a second chance, but that's if you're lucky, if you're not, you just missed it. Cruel but reality. Me, yes me, I'm still learning, in all aspects, and I'm not wanting to be perfect, but just perfect enough for those that matters to me.
That's about it for this post, have a nice day, and stay tuned for my next one :)
P/S: A getaway with my hubby this Saturday, we're spending the night outside, and we will have a great time for sure.
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